ALWAYS FAITHFUL Read online

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  Nic sat at her desk, her head in her hands, running her fingers through her hair as she wondered what she had gotten herself into. She was still struggling with her own scars from Iraq and now she had to deal with helping a family start the process of getting through their own ordeal. Claire Monroe had to process out of military housing in thirty days and then she would be with her own family and working through her issues with them. Thirty days wasn’t that long. Nic had been back almost three months, although sometimes it seemed like forever. Other times, it felt like only yesterday.

  Months had passed since her medivac helicopter went down in Iraq. Her first few weeks were spent in the hospital as they repaired her destroyed body, then the next few weeks were spent in rehab as she learned to walk again. She had been told the burns and grafts would take time to heal, and the hospital staff had been adamant about maintaining a daily regiment of workouts. The works outs helped her body to heal, but not her mind. The sound of the crash then bodies and burning wreckage everywhere still haunted her. Everyday she thought about her friends who had died, and every day she wondered. ‘Why me? Why did I survive and not Jack, who had a wife and three kids? Or the navigator Craig who had just married his high school sweetheart?’ She thought about them, about their families and how they were coping with their loss. She thought about it all, everyday.

  Nic was still seeing a doctor weekly for her injuries, and to top it all off they were still making her see a shrink. “Just to make sure everything is fine upstairs.” Bullshit. They wanted to make sure she wasn’t some loose cannon who would freak out at any minute and go shooting up the place. She had heard about the combat stress many of the soldiers were coming home with, and how some of the soldiers were killing their spouses and themselves because they couldn’t deal with life stateside. Well, that wasn’t her. She knew she had better coping skills than that. After the crap she’d dealt with in her childhood, she could handle anything. She had chosen the Marine Corps to prove to everyone she’d ever known that she could take anything that came her way.

  Looking down at her watch and noting the time she got up, put her hair back in a bun, and hefted her workout bag onto her shoulder. A good hour on the weights, more than a few laps in the pool, and then the sauna. Her gym workouts not only kept her sane, but also the exertion helped relax her and gave her the time and space she needed to think things through. She would work out her emotions in private, without a shrink staring at her waiting for her to make some revelation she didn’t feel. When she was in Bethesda after the crash, she practically came unglued at first, because she wasn’t able to get up off the bed, let alone walk. It hadn’t taken her long after her surgeries to get to the point of being able to not only sit up, but also to get up and walk without help. She made it through, pushing the emotional pain out of her mind once again as she had done so many other times before. You’re here, you survived and you have a future ahead of you, whether you like it or not.

  “Hey handsome! Back so soon?”

  “Hey Trevor. Talk like that might get ya a date. Just not with me,” she said, winking at the gym attendant.

  “Yeah, you officers are all alike. No guts no glory,” Trevor said as he swiped her ID card.

  “Yeah, well I don’t want to go to the brig for fraternizing, and trust me, I’m not your type. Now that blonde over there,” Nic said pointing to a woman running on the treadmill, “she looks like your type. Why don’t you give her a try?”

  “Already did. She shot me down, too.” Trevor rested his head on his hands as he watched the woman running on the treadmill.

  “Well don’t give up hope. I’m sure you’ll find someone in this shit hole. Chicks dig a guy in uniform.”

  An hour later she was sweating so much that her T-shirt was sticking to her body like a second skin. She often lost track of time when she worked out, getting into a zone where she felt intensely alive, her heart pounding as she pushed herself. At times she worked to excess, to the point where she almost couldn’t get up because her muscles were so fatigued. She knew she could keep up with the best of the best on their P.T. tests, often lapping some of the younger males. At almost six feet, she was an imposing figure with broad shoulders, narrow hips, and well-defined arms and legs, but when she looked in the mirror, all she saw was that weak, wounded soldier at Bethesda. Maybe that was why she was still seeing the shrink.

  Nic reached for the tingling scar on her back as she made her way to the locker room to finish her workout. It was itching from the sweat, and her soaked T-shirt rubbing against it was a constant reminder of everything she had lost in Iraq. She changed into her swimsuit and continued on to the pool to do her normal thirty laps. Nic rinsed out her swim goggles and couldn’t help but check out a woman sitting on the edge of the pool. She was talking to a slim, pale guy in a Speedo who was leaning over laughing.

  Yuk dude, ditch the Speedo, thought Nic as she watched the woman throw her head back as she laughed. You could do so much better than Mr. Pasty.

  Nic watched for a second too long and was caught looking. Smiling and arching an eyebrow, the woman stared back at Nic. Her eyes roamed up and down Nic’s body and then back to Nic’s eyes.

  Did she just wink at me? Nic watched the woman slide the tip of her index finger into her parted lips and bite it.

  “Hey, earth to Theresa,” Mr. Pasty said, snapping his fingers in front of the woman’s face. “Hey, we need to get back to the office.”

  Nic took the opportunity to don her goggles and plunge into the water. She started to stroke the warm water when she caught Theresa watching her as she walked along the side of the pool to the locker room, her ass firm under her black swimsuit. Pulling up Nic saw Theresa take one last look at her and wave. Nic politely waved back and smiled before returning to her laps. She grinned at the simple and unexpected flirtation before putting it out of her mind and ducking beneath the heavily chlorinated water. Each long stroke strained her already tired shoulders. Her arms shook with fatigue when she finally stopped. Pulling herself up on the side of the pool, she took a long deep breath. This was exactly what she had needed to get her mind off her last inform.

  After showering, Nic walked to the mirror and wiped off the steam that had collected during her shower. She assessed her reflection before she brushed her hair. At least the accident hadn’t left any facial injuries, thanks to her flight helmet. Nevertheless, when she looked at her green eyes they looked different, almost as if someone else was looking back at her.

  She finished drying off, applied the bandages to her scars and pulled the tight T-shirt over her broad shoulders. It hugged her body, accentuating her full breasts and hard abs. If there was one thing Nic liked, it was her body in tight clothes. She worked out hard and she wasn’t about to hide the results with baggy sweats or clothes. She pulled her low-slung jeans over her narrow hips, tucked her T-shirt in and slipped into her favorite boots. She packed her bag and slung it over her shoulder, feeling a sting when it hit her back. It was getting better. It wasn’t as painful as it had been in the beginning when she would sling her bag, slapping it against her back without thinking and causing excruciating pain. These were small victories on her way to a full recovery and a normal life.

  She strode out of the gym and over to her Yamaha, her other stress reliever. She had ridden a motorcycle since she was a kid, but after her crash, she had to wait until the doctors okayed her to ride. If they found out she was riding without being cleared she could be court-martialed since she was still government property, as she was often reminded.

  Nic had never resented that equation until Iraq. She had never questioned the debt she owed her country, she knew what she was signing on for when she joined the Marine Corps. She wanted a college education, discipline, respect and a chance to serve her country. She knew her family would never pay for her to go to college so she hit up her Uncle Sam, who was more than willing to help her out as long as she knew the rules.

  Until now, her life se
emed to make sense. But somewhere between the sickening sound of her helicopter exploding and those long days in her bed at Bethesda, she’d lost that certainty. Her bike rumbled just loud enough to make her heart vibrate and tickle her center as she eased the chrome horse out of the parking space to the exit. She loved the freedom the bike gave her. It was like nothing she ever felt in anything else she did, not flying a helicopter, driving a sports car or the high she got from pumping weights. The only thing that came close was the pre-orgasmic shudder she had when she made love to a woman.

  Luckily, traffic was light and she wasn’t in a hurry to get home to an empty apartment or worse, another inform. Nic weaved in and out of the afternoon traffic letting her mind wander as she became one with the bike. She had often wished she had her bike in Iraq but realized that a woman on a motorcycle would have been unacceptable in a country that didn’t even let women drive. Besides, all that sand would have fouled up the injection system. She glided to a stop at the light, touching down one foot to the pavement. Looking to her left, she saw a convertible roll to a stop beside her. The driver was the petite blonde, Theresa, from the gym, who was waving and looking at Nic. The stereo was playing a loud rap beat that practically drowned out the rumble of the motorcycle. Glancing at the light and then back to the car, she grinned as Theresa blew her a kiss. Blushing, she turned back toward the light. What the—from the corner of her eye she saw the driver give Nic a wink and pucker her lips, simulating a kiss. Shaking her head, Nic chuckled but didn’t look over. The last thing she wanted now was an open flirtation on base that could get her a court-martial. The woman honked her horn and motioned for her to pull over. Shaking her head in the negative, Nic just smiled and waited for the light to turn green. Just as it did the blonde hit the gas and sped ahead of her, cut into her lane, and slowed down, forcing Nic to slam on her brakes.

  There were a lot of things Nic could tolerate but screwing with her while she was on her bike was not one of them. She drew alongside the convertible and pointed toward an empty parking lot. The young woman pulled over. Her smile was full of eager invitation as Nic approached. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Nic growled as she tore off her helmet. “You could have gotten me killed back there.”

  “Oh, come on. Aren’t you being just a little overdramatic?” Hard nipples caught Nic’s attention first. The woman’s blouse was so shear Nic could see she wasn’t wearing a bra. Her silver nipple rings contrast nicely against her dark areolas, Nic thought as she stared at the woman’s chest. Nic found herself more than a little excited by the sight.

  Doing her best to ignore the distracting sight, Nic said, “Look this isn’t a game. Someone could have gotten hurt and that someone could have been me. Then what?”

  “Come on, no one got hurt.” Extending her hand, she said, “By the way, my name is Theresa. And yours is?”

  “Trust me, you don’t want to know my name,” Nic said, towering over the petite blonde. “Now if you will excuse me, I have business to attend to.”

  “Wait.” Theresa grabbed Nic’s arm. “I just wanted to get to know you. Is there anything wrong with that? Besides, maybe we could have coffee or something.”

  “I don’t drink coffee, and I’m not your type.”

  “I know how to handle women like you gorgeous. Trust me,” Theresa said, her voice husky as she eyed Nic’s chest. She ran her hand brazenly over one of Nic’s breasts, smiling when she felt Nic’s nipple harden.

  The simple touch, combined with the adrenalin that whipped through her when the woman cut her off, sent Nic over the edge. She groaned and grabbed Theresa’s hand, pinning it to her breast. Somewhere in the recesses of her mind she knew she should stop, but it had been far too long since a beautiful woman had touched her.

  “Careful what you wish for,” Nic said. She grabbed the presumptuous woman by the wrists, pulling their bodies together. Theresa moaned as Nic tilted her head to the left and pulled her hair, forcing her head back and exposing Theresa’s neck to Nic’s lips. Nic attacked her neck, kissing it roughly. Nic could feel her pulse speed up. She made her way up Theresa’s neck to her jaw, nipping at the perfect little line. Nic continued on to her lips, which were open and begging to be kissed. Crushing the waiting lips underneath hers, Nic slid her tongue inside and heard the woman moan. She caressed the breast beneath the thin blouse, squeezing and pinching the pierced nipple until she could feel the woman grinding against her.

  God, what am I doing? She suddenly released the woman, who stumbled back against her car. Nic mumbled an apology, as she turned and got back on her bike. She started her bike, slapped on her helmet and drove out of the parking lot cursing her rash judgment. She could hear the woman shouting something, but ignored it as she sped up.

  God, what had she just done? Anyone driving past could have seen them, could have seen her. Nic was on fire, every nerve in her body was exploding and she thought she would come right there on her bike, the vibration adding more stimulation to an already sensitive clit. Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, she had to get home and quick. If she was going to have a melt down she didn’t want it to be out in public.

  It had been months since Nic had even thought about sex. No, that wasn’t quite true. Every time she thought about it, she either went to the gym and worked herself to exhaustion or worked late to keep herself occupied. Nic continued to navigate her way back to her place, edgy, frustrated, and definitely explosive. She pivoted her hips on the rolling vibrator, finding a place that not only kept her stimulated, but damn near brought her to climax. Her entire focus was centered on the throbbing between her legs. She turned the bike around at the next light and headed out to a deserted stretch of road. Opening up the throttle, she leaned into the bike allowing her body to feel the vibration of the huge machine as she shifted through the gears. She rocked forward, the seam of her jeans making perfect contact with her clit. Her nipples hardened as she felt the wind rub her shirt roughly against them. Every muscle tensed in anticipation of the impending release, and she could feel sweat breaking out everywhere on her body. She felt herself start to spasm as she rode both the motorcycle and the climax. Nic’s hips bucked once, twice, and then a third and final time as she climaxed. It took every ounce of control she had to stay upright on the motorcycle as she pulled to the side of the road.

  Nic leaned over, gasping for breath and holding on to the gas tank for stability. Dropping the kickstand, she swung her leg over and flopped to the ground on her hands and knees. God, what have I just done? This person was foreign to Nic. She was always in control of her emotions and she never, ever lost control. Sitting back on her heels, taking a deep breath, she could still feel her throbbing clit rubbing against now soaked jeans. She stood, grabbing her jeans at the knees and forcing them down just enough to prevent further contact with her clit. Still hunched over, she worked to control her breathing and her emotions. It had been so long since she had been with anyone that she had forgotten what that felt like. Enough. No good can come from thinking like this. No one would want an emotionally bankrupt, broken down soldier. It wasn’t worth thinking about.

  CHAPTER THREE

  When she finally arrived back at her place, Nic stripped off her soaked clothing and headed to the shower for the third time that day. She was spent, but she felt surprisingly relaxed at the same time. It had been a long time since she had felt like this, a long time since she felt normal. What was normal to her now? Nic felt somewhat normal when she was in uniform. She felt normal riding her motorcycle. She felt normal being alone.

  In fact, since she had been home from the hospital Nic rarely thought about her love life. To be intimate with someone meant being naked, and that meant there would be questions. Nic wasn’t sure she was ready for the type of intimacy that bared her soul to a stranger. It was just easier to wish for a love life than to actually take the steps towards having one. That probably attributed to her lack of a sex drive, but today was different and she didn’t know why. Nic definitely wasn’t one for c
asual encounters. They left her feeling empty inside, and as much as her body had wanted her to, it was clearly why she didn’t take the woman up on her brazen offer. Well, that and the possibility of being caught having sex in public with a woman on base.

  Ever since the accident she felt empty all the time, like there was a void that couldn’t be filled. It had hurt so deep it felt like her soul was broken, like her whole reason for living had changed and she didn’t know what it had changed to. It wasn’t that she didn’t have plenty of opportunities for sex. She was constantly being hit on by both men and women in and out of the Corps. Everyone loves a chick in uniform. Right now though, the thought of being intimate with a woman was foreign to Nic. In fact, the military’s “Don’t ask, Don’t tell” policy made it easy to fend of the advances of the other women in the Corps. No officer wanted to lose his or her commission because of that policy, and while Nic didn’t agree with it, she had to live with it.

  She stepped into the hot shower and the stream of water on her back felt like little needles on her scar. The broken hip had taken no time to heal, probably because she was in such great shape when the crash happened. The doctor had said that because she worked out with weights and had trained in the martial arts Nic had survived what had killed her crew. Being used to taking a pounding and being able to roll with the crash had helped her survive. Lucky me, she thought as she remembered hearing the news as she lay in recovery after her hip surgery. I am no more deserving to live than my crew was, so why me? Her shrink called it survivor’s guilt. Whatever. Giving it a name didn’t make it any easier to deal with.

  Nic got out of the shower and draped the towel around her hips; and wiped the steam from the mirror. This time Nic noticed the lines around her eyes and a few gray hairs in her dark brown shoulder length mane. Maybe I should really cut it off, and then I wouldn’t have to worry about regulations for a few months. Nic wasn’t one to worry about what people thought and she rarely cared what her hair looked like as long as it was clean, neat and squared away. She was tired of pinning it up and it pulled sometimes under her hat when she was in uniform Yea, maybe a haircut is in order, Nic thought as she blow-dried the wet strands off her face.